Only
by Dreamsand
Summary: When Sarah breaks his heart again, Alfred tries to find comfort with Herbert. Mild one-sided slash. Oneshot.


**Only**

**Disclaimer: **Roman Polanski's, schade.

**A/N: **Light one-sided slash, nothing serious though. This plotbunny has been hopping around in my head for ages and I just had to get it out.

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Herbert held the young student tight in his arms, the boy had fallen asleep some time ago but the count's son couldn't close his eyes. How long had he wished to hold Alfred close, how many times had he tried to convince him how much he loved him? But never had he imagined it like this, so full of pain. He knew that Alfred only came to him because Sarah had turned him down _again._ Never had he imagined the sobs racking trough Alfred's body as he fell in his arms. And how could he have foreseen the force of his own heartbreak at that sight.

_A knock on the door disturbed Herbert from the book he was reading but after opening the door__, the book was completely forgotten. Alfred stood there, his blue eyes full of tears and shaking as if he were outside in the freezing winter cold. "What's wrong mon cherie?" The count's son reached out to feel the student's forehead, afraid that a fever had struck him. _

_The next thing he knew Alfred had fallen into his arms and was crying like the world had just ended. All Herbert could do was rock him back and forth while whispering comforting words into the boy's ear. He didn't know what had happened but made an educated guess that it had something to do with Sarah. Why Alfred still loved her was a complete mystery to him, she had returned to the Count first chance she got and never even talked to the boy who had tried to save her. _

_When his love had calmed down a little he helped him to sit down on the bed. "Now, tell me what happened." He caressed Alfred's golden hair and waited until he started talking on his own. _

"_I… I went to see Sarah." Like he'd guessed, "but she was sitting by the fireplace with His Excellency and… I asked her if maybe we could take a walk sometime, or… or talk for a bit. But she just… she just laughed at me." It was obviously very hard for Alfred to tell all this because he was pausing after almost every word and stuttering even more as he usually did around the count's son. _

"_She told me that she'd rather be with… your father and that I meant… nothing to her." A hate rose up in Herbert that he had never known before. How could the arrogant little tramp do that! It was obvious that she wasn't interested in the student but to tell him like that was just cruel._

But the thing that hurt him most was that it wasn't the first time. Time and time again Sarah managed to break the boy's heart with just words. Either telling him that he was boring, useless or just that she loved Count von Krolock more as words could ever express.

And every time Alfred would come to him and cry his very soul out over this girl who didn't deserve him in the slightest. It happened more often now, once a week he would shush Alfred to sleep, trying to show him that he was still loved. He would hold him trough the day, only to see him disappear again with sunset. They would go back to their normal routine of chasing and avoiding but Alfred didn't see the sadness in Herbert's eyes.

It wasn't like he'd never dropped hints about liking the boy, and they weren't even hints anymore. He had literally spoken the three _magic_ words, and not once, no, it felt like he had said it a thousand times.

But Alfred didn't realise, he didn't notice the extend of the other man's love for him. And Herbert knew. He knew that he would never be enough, he was a replacement, nothing more. When things went wrong the student would come to him for comfort but he would never hold a laughing Alfred in his arms. He would always be crying, or be to tired to protest.

It was near sunset when Alfred woke up and got ready to leave but this time Herbert held him back. For a few moments they stared at each other and then the count's son began to speak. It was never hard for him to find the right words but today seemed to be an exception to this rule. "Look Alfred. I already told you that I care about you… that I love you. But I don't want it to be like this. You use me to ease your pain but I mean nothing to you. And I can't do that! I can't watch you every time you're sad, knowing that you'll leave again in the evening, to ashamed to even look at me." Alfred tried to struggle from his grasp but Herbert didn't let him go, "No, please listen. You love Sarah, and that should be enough for you. You can't have both of us. It's either her or me." Saying that was hurting him too, it felt wrong to turn Alfred down but they couldn't carry on like this.

"You have to choose. I want you, but I want the whole you, not just the sad you." That didn't make sense. "If you pick Sarah you can't come to me anymore. But please mon cherie, please." At this he took the boys hands in his own.

"You know that she doesn't love you. She told you herself. Give me a chance, I can care for you. I will be everything you need. I promise."

But the student pulled his hands away, "You are really nice to me Herbert, but I… can't… I love Sarah." And with that he was gone, leaving a broken count's son behind.

It wasn't long before he came back, after a particularly nasty remark from Sarah, and Herbert gave in again. How could he slam the door in the face of the one he loved? How could he ignore those beautiful, pleading eyes? He didn't want to. But in the end, he would give his Alfred everything he desired, even when he had to break his own heart to do so.


End file.
